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Trust in Love

Updated: Apr 16

It’s so easy to attach to someone you don’t trust. At first it can feel exciting! And if you’re the more stable and trustworthy one there's no question in your mind that you know what's best. All you have to do is control the other to do what you believe is right, rather than trust them to know what’s best for themselves. There is nothing the other could say to make you question yourself. Self reflection is minimal, if existent at all. The real work at hand is to mold the other. The looming problem is that attachment can feel like love and ultimately we all want to surrender in love, feel taken care of, and not be burdened by it. All of that requires letting go of control.

Two people sitting on a large rock cliff overhang together, one arm around each other and the other arm extended out and up to the sky. They look out at a cloudy sky above a stunning landscape of mountains and trees.
Photo by Freddy Kearney

"The looming problem is that attachment can feel like love and ultimately we all want to surrender in love, feel taken care of, and not be burdened by it. All of that requires letting go of control."


On the other hand, maybe it feels more comfortable to not trust yourself. Maybe it's something you've never been taught so you look to others to tell you what to do, think, and feel. It can be easy to look to others to provide stability and a knowing you don’t feel you possess. If they know, it takes the pressure off. When things go right it’s easy sailing, even if you don’t feel ownership over your own satisfaction and it contributes to a degraded sense of self. When things go wrong, you have someone to blame; nothing personal to celebrate and nothing personal to take responsibility for.

"On the other hand, maybe it feels more comfortable to not trust yourself. Maybe it's something you've never been taught so you look to others to tell you what to do, think, and feel."

It’s sometimes harder to open to someone who is stable and trustworthy and acknowledge the same in ourselves. Suddenly we have to trust that we are fully capable of knowing what's best for ourselves and the other is as well. We are tasked to acknowledge the wisdom in ourselves and the other. The work at hand is to provide mutual support and take appropriate personal responsibility.

“Suddenly we have to trust that we are fully capable of knowing what's best for ourselves and the other can do the same for themselves.”

This kind of connection requires letting go and allowing the trust in them, and ourselves to grow. Instead of leading to disconnection it leads to a stronger bond, one that isn't based on control, but on freedom, and genuine delight. This openness can feel scary; there is so much unknown. The unknown is frightening but the alternative is not love; it’s actually a kind of death. A death that doesn't fully kill you but prevents you from living life.

"This kind of connection requires letting go and allowing the trust in them, and ourselves to grow."

We as humans are made to not be completely in control. It’s a natural part of life. Being out of control is scary, and being in control is scary. Life's path is to choose the middle ground, one that is built on trust.

To truly experience life we must choose to trust in love.

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