Failure to Launch

I don't know if you know but I had planned to publish my website two weeks before I actually

did! I was all ready to go and then the morning of my publishing date the proverbial "shit hit the fan". I didn't have some of the content I felt I needed and I got into an argument with a friend. It was definitely not the day to launch and it was a huge let down. It brought up feelings of failure and a lot of sadness. Interestingly enough it also turned out to be the perfect lesson and gift the universe could give me.

Photo by Hello I'm Nik

Even though almost as soon as I woke up I knew it wasn’t the day to publish I felt the pressure of having done my “pre-launch” work! I had shared lead up posts and told quite a few people at a friend’s birthday gathering the night before that I was going to publish the next day. What would everyone think if I didn’t follow through? What would it mean of me and my business if after all of the work I did, I paused, stopped even, before the actual birth of my labor?

“What would everyone think if I didn't follow through?”

I did it anyway, and at first it felt great. I knew I was following my gut and what was right in the moment. Even though it felt like a huge let down, it also felt like relief. Like I was accepting what was rather than fighting it.

Then I had to face the rest of the day...

and a kind of grief set in. I let it happen. Guilt and anxiety also showed up and although I knew they were less raw emotions and more conditioned responses I had to acknowledge them as well. It all came and went in waves and eventually passed with the help of a friend and some self soothing techniques.

It’s interesting how even when it feels good sometimes following our inner guidance can also feel really challenging at the same time, and not always so good in the short term. But, if we allow and work through the emotions that come up in a healthy way it really is just for the short term.

"It's interesting how even when it feels good sometimes following our inner guidance can also feel really challenging at the same time, and not always so good in the short term."

The day was a day of coping honestly. Realizing the golden nugget of just how perfect it all was didn’t really set in until 6am the next morning when I woke up suddenly feeling inspired to write. In that moment I realized the universe was providing a perfect example for myself and my future clients of the challenges that can come up when following our inner guidance. Even while knowing it to be a part of our path and that it will lead to greater happiness, in the moment following our truth can be hard.

Through it all I learned a hugely valuable lesson that sometimes even when you’re following the universal flow and feel certain about something, it doesn’t always happen the way you think it will. Sometimes we have to be open to redefining what feels like a failure. Go into the natural dip, allow the emotions and lessons to come through, and then move forward. Two weeks later the time was right and I published a website I'm proud of. I also learned valuable lessons about myself in those two weeks that have helped me become a better coach.

"Sometimes even when you're following the universal flow and feel certain about something, it doesn't always happen the way you think it will."

So know that even in those dark shadowy times when your faith doesn’t feel strong, it’s still there, you’re still being supported if you let it happen. It's hard to fathom that sometimes taking a step back is moving forward because we’ve been so conditioned to believe in “forward progress” being the only way. In reality time and space are not linear and ultimately we really don’t know everything. Even if you don’t feel it, allowing and welcoming the darkness and down times is a part of the process, a part of the natural ebb and flow of life. It is an indispensable part of our growth that we are all meant to experience and it actually brings us closer in connection with others because we all experience these times throughout our life.

"Even if you don't feel it, allowing and welcoming the darkness and down times is a part of the process, a part of the natural ebb and flow of life."

As much as possible try to have compassion for yourself during those times when it feels like you've failed. Hold yourself like you would a dear friend, and maybe, if it feels accessible, redefine that failure with the knowledge that the universe is supporting us all.